Shout Out to Men
I’ve decided to put my Psychology qualifications to use and start up my Counselling Practice.
Waheeda Joosab Mahomed
Counselling Services
My focus is on women who are going through women-related experiences… Postpartum depression, postpartum PTSD, miscarriage, infertility, loss of child, widowhood… and other issues which are unique to women.
I asked him to publish it as Anonymous because I thought that the men in my life would be judged…
Before I could talk myself out of it, I emailed it to the editor of a local monthly Islamic magazine, called Islam Alive… but I asked him to publish it as Anonymous because I thought that the men in my life would be judged… It was published and I am very proud of that achievement Alhamdulillah… except that a few key paragraphs were left out!
When others read the article, they were of the opinion that I should have given my name… because what I said was the truth and if the cap fit a man (whether in my family or not) they should wear it… and take a lesson from it… and aspire to be better In sha Allah.
So, I’ve decided to publish my article, in its entirety here, on my blog, for the world to know what is true; for men to aspire to be better; and for women to appreciate the man they have.
Here goes…
_____________
SHOUT OUT TO MEN
by Waheeda Joosab Mahomed
Abridged version published anonymously in Issue 72 of Islam Alive magazine, October 2015, page 35)
(You can view it online at:
www.islamalive.co.za
or use this link from your cellphone:
http://www.islamalive.co.za/mag/iaissue72/index.html)
Shout out to all the new brides who now realise that very few of today’s men possess or display bravery, strength and valour and that not all men are gentlemen.
Shout out to all the not-so-new brides who are living in abusive relationships and can’t or won’t leave:
a. because of the children
b. to protect the reputation of their families
c. because they literally have no where else to go
d. all of the above
e. other ____________________
Shout out to all those more mature ladies whose husbands are turning into abusive tyrants as they grow older.
Shout out to the Ulema who ask these ladies to “make sabr”.
Shout out to all the Friday khutbah speakers who speak ill of women, how they were created from the crooked rib, how these men (who are weak themselves) should “lightly” admonish or chastise their wives in order to bring them back to the Straight Path. Assuming, obviously, that all men are good guides and can be trusted to lead their flock into Righteousness. Not assuming, obviously, that these same men are headed home to have the lunch their wives prepared and to spend time with their families – sometimes the only meal they have together. Also not realising that “light punishment” is relative.
Shout out to the men of today who have got so used to having your tea (and your bed) made for you that you’ve forgotten how to make them yourself. To the men who find it below their dignity to clean up after themselves (because that’s the woman’s job). To the men who have forgotten how to reason and take too easily to the hand. To the men who have got so used to having a wife who works (just to make ends meet) that he forgets to pull up his socks and work harder so she doesn’t have to.
Shout out to the men who have forgotten that their role in life, given to them by the Almighty, is to support their families and that he has no right to the income his wife earns, unless she’s willing to share it. Shout out to the men who have got used to spending their wife’s money.
Shout out to the men who think that the dowry he paid was to purchase his wife into slavery till the day she dies. Shout out to the weak men who actually use this line in arguments.
Shout out to the men who give gifts to their wives and then take these back after an argument. Shout out to the men who have become arrogant because they have money.
Shout out to the men who drive recklessly and to the men who get road rage and to the men who do both.
Shout out to the men who have forgotten what it takes to woo his wife, to the men who take advantage of her in the bedroom and to the men who don’t understand the meaning of No. Shout out to the men who don’t groom themselves to be presentable to their wives.
Shout out to the man who swears, insults and curses his wife and to the man who tells her to pack her bags and leave during every argument.
Shout out to the men who think that discipline can only be achieved with a belt or hand, even when it comes to kids. To the men who can watch their wife and children cry but do nothing to get help for themselves.
To the man who forces his kids to do the things he could never achieve. To the men who want better for their daughters than they give to their wives. To the men who are teaching their daughters, by example, what to accept from their husbands.
Shout out to the families who brush these issues under the carpet. To the in-laws who see no fault in their sons. To the grandparents who can’t stand up for their grandchildren.
Shout out to the man with the stuffy nose or headache who acts like he’s dying. Shout out to the ones who actually need to take a day off work because of this. Shout out to the man who has forgotten what strength and courage is.
Shout out to the middle-aged men who get a second wife and treat her better than their first. To the man who loses his children because of this. To the wife who has no choice but to accept it.
…
Above all… a super-special shout out to the men who don’t!
Here’s to the man who respects women. To the man who helps around the house. To the hands-on father who brings up well-adjusted kids. To the man who makes up funny bedtime stories for his children.
Here’s to the man who knows how to love his wife. To the one who gives her gifts not out of guilt. To the one who wakes up when the baby cries and then offers to feed him.
Here’s to the man who loves his mother and his wife and can respect them both at the same time. To the man who doesn’t take the opinions of either against the other. To the man who deals wisely with them both.
Here’s to the family man.
Here’s to the man who realises that muscles are only skin-deep. That true strength does not have to be displayed physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually as well.
To the man who reads his five daily Salaah in the musjid, just as he’s meant to. To the young man who doesn’t have to be reminded or woken up for Salaah.
Here’s to the man who is not a Hafiz but still opens his Quraan daily. To the man who does zikr while he drives. To the young man who wakes up for Tuhajjud.
Here’s to the man who loves taking his family out. To the man who likes spending time with his in-laws. To the man who doesn’t stop his wife from visiting her family.
Here’s to the man who is a good worker, a good son, a good husband, a good father AND a good Muslim. Give that man a freshly-squeezed orange juice!
Stay well, inside and out
Waheeda, a.k.a Waydi
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