Empowering Your Son to Be a Good Mahram
Let’s talk about something close to every parent’s heart — raising sons who grow into good men. And not just good men, but good mahrams.
When we think of raising our boys, we often focus on education, career, and character — but how often do we think about preparing them for their Islamic responsibilities as future protectors, providers, and leaders in their families? Empowering your son to be a good mahram doesn’t start when he’s an adult. It starts early, with conversations, examples, and values that shape his understanding of what it truly means to be a man.
A good mahram is not born. He’s raised.
It starts with role models
Fathers have a huge role to play here. A boy who grows up watching his father treat his mother with kindness, respect, and gentleness will internalize that as normal. He’ll learn that true leadership isn’t loud or domineering. It’s calm, steady, and protective. The father who speaks softly to his wife, prays with his family, and takes responsibility for his home teaches his son more about masculinity than any lecture ever could.
And mothers? You are your son’s first teacher. When you show strength, self-respect, and emotional balance, you’re teaching him how to value women. When you set healthy boundaries, when you model confidence without arrogance, and when you stand firm on Islamic principles, you teach him that women are to be respected, not controlled.
But what happens when the home isn’t balanced?
The challenge arises in homes where traditional or cultural values take precedence over Islamic ones — where the father or grandfather is dominant and feared, and the mother or grandmother is submissive or mistreated. In such homes, boys learn that women are meant to be controlled, and girls learn that being mistreated is something to tolerate. This cycle is heartbreaking… and dangerous.
Breaking it starts with awareness. Both parents need to fulfill their spiritual obligations first — praying together, learning together, and living by Islamic values rather than cultural expectations. A man who sees his role as a protector, not a dictator, and a woman who fulfills her role with dignity, not defeat, create a home environment that raises emotionally healthy children.
Rethinking the concept of “izzat”
We’ve all heard that line from Pakistani dramas: “Tumhaari izzat meri izzat hai” meaning “Your honour is my honour.” It sounds noble, and in the right context, it is. It means a man is willing to protect the dignity of the women in his care. But it can also turn toxic when it becomes a weapon… when men use “izzat” as a way to control, silence, or restrict women.
Instead, the idea of honour should become part of the culture of the home, not a rare act of heroism. Our sons should grow up understanding that protecting a woman’s honour means respecting her voice, her space, her contributions, and her choices within the boundaries of Islam. It’s not about control.
Start early, build confidence
Young boys need to see that being a mahram is an honour, not a burden or a badge. Involve them in age-appropriate ways — let them open the door for their mothers and sisters, walk them to the car, or carry heavy bags. Teach them that these small acts aren’t chores; they’re signs of strength, responsibility, and compassion. Let them take pride in being gentle protectors.
And please, don’t favour sons over daughter! When we do that, we unintentionally raise boys who feel entitled and girls who feel lesser. Islam does not elevate one gender over the other in worth. Both are honoured in their obedience to Allah SWT. When parents treat their children with fairness and respect, they cultivate balanced hearts and minds.
Empowering your son to be a good mahram starts with you. It’s about teaching him, through your example, that being a man isn’t about dominance… it’s about discipline. And it’s not about control… t’s about compassion.
Let’s raise a generation of boys who grow into men we’re proud of — men who protect without pride, guide without arrogance, and love with gentleness and sincerity. Because when we raise good mahrams, we raise a generation that understands honour in the truest, most beautiful sense — as a reflection of faith, not of power.
That’s all from me for now. Stay tuned for more… and remember: ‘Just Dua It.’
Waheeda, a.k.a Waydi
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P.P.S. My book, Kismet – For roses to blossom is available locally and on Kindle Unlimited.