How to Check If You’re Kind to Your Spouse

ByWaheeda Joosab
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Before we get into today’s topic, I want you to pause for a moment — take a deep breath and make a short dua. Ask Allah SWT to open your heart and grant you clarity. Because what we’re about to reflect on requires honesty — not about your spouse, but about yourself.

Let’s start with a simple check: How aware are you of your spouse’s actions? Do you notice the small things they do for you and the family, or are you more tuned in to what they don’t do? It’s so easy to fall into that trap of focusing on their flaws instead of their efforts. But kindness in marriage starts with noticing the good. Sometimes, that simple shift in awareness changes the whole atmosphere at home.

Think about the last time you said thank you to your spouse. Not just a quick “thanks,” but a sincere acknowledgment of their effort, whether it’s financial support, emotional presence, or even taking care of small daily responsibilities. Gratitude builds warmth and security in a marriage.

When your spouse feels seen and appreciated, they naturally want to give more of themselves to the relationship.

Here’s something important to remember: you can only control your actions and responses. It’s not your job to fix or change your spouse… and honestly, that mindset only leads to frustration. What you can do is work on your own words and behaviour. Nabi SAW reminded us of the weight our words carry. They can heal or they can hurt. So, be intentional about how you speak to and about your spouse. Choose gentleness, even when you’re upset.

And if you feel like you haven’t been your kindest lately… it’s okay. Today is a new day, a clean slate. Reflect on where you can do better, make sincere dua, and take small steps toward being more compassionate. Marriage isn’t about perfection; it’s about constant effort and mercy.

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Kismet - For roses to blossom cover

So, let today be the start of something softer. Choose kindness. Notice the good. Say thank you more often. And watch how that one small change brings more peace and love into your home, in sha Allah.

That’s all from me for now. Stay tuned for more… and remember: ‘Just Dua It.’

Waheeda, a.k.a Waydi

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P.P.S. My book, Kismet – For roses to blossom is available locally and on Kindle Unlimited.

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My book, 'Kismet for roses to blossom', is available nationwide (South Africa) as well as on Amazon.

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