Post wedding depression – why you’re feeling depressed since you got married

When I got married, it was through an arranged marriage. The date was set just seven weeks after we first met, and before I knew it, life was spinning in a blur of preparations, family gatherings, and emotions I could barely process. I took three weeks off work: one before the wedding, and two after. When I finally returned to work, one of my colleagues gently asked if I was alright. I admitted I was just feeling down, and she was the first person to ever mention the term “post-matrimonial blues.”

That moment stayed with me because it gave a name to what I was experiencing. Despite the joy of marriage, I couldn’t shake off the heaviness that settled in once the wedding lights dimmed and the excitement died down. Once reality hit! It made me wonder: why don’t we speak about this more often? Why is it that, in a society that makes marriage such a central focus, we overlook the emotional adjustment that follows?

Here’s my take on Post-Wedding Depression.

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As the excitement of the wedding day fades away, many newlyweds find themselves facing unexpected emotions. Post-wedding depression, also known as post-nuptial blues or post-wedding blues, can cast a shadow over what should be a joyous time. This phenomenon is often overlooked or misunderstood, but it’s essential to recognise and address it, especially within the context of Islam.

Understanding Post-Wedding Depression

Post-wedding depression can manifest as feelings of sadness, anxiety, or emptiness after the wedding festivities are over and once routines are more normal. These emotions can be confusing and distressing, particularly when society expects newlyweds to be in a constant state of happiness. However, it’s important to remember that these feelings are normal and can be addressed with the right mindset and support.

The Islamic Perspective on Marriage

In Islam, marriage is celebrated as a sacred union, a bond strengthened by faith and commitment. However, the transition from singlehood to marriage can bring about significant changes, both anticipated and unforeseen. It’s natural for individuals, both men and women, to experience a range of emotions during this period of adjustment.

Managing Expectations

One of the key factors contributing to post-wedding depression is the shift in expectations. Many couples enter marriage with romanticised notions of eternal bliss and perfection. However, the reality of sharing a life with another person involves compromises, challenges, and sacrifices. Islam emphasises the importance of managing expectations and approaching marriage with a realistic mindset.

Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said, “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.”

Societal Pressures and Comparisons

Societal pressures and comparisons can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and disappointment. In today’s age of social media, where curated images of idealised relationships abound, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison. Islam teaches the value of gratitude and contentment, encouraging individuals to focus on their own blessings rather than eyeing what others have.

Maintaining Individual Identity

Another aspect to consider is the loss of individual identity that can accompany marriage. While Islam emphasises the unity of spouses, it also recognises the importance of maintaining one’s individuality. This is beautifully exemplified by the wives of Nabi SAW, who were known for their own accomplishments and unique contributions to the early Muslim community.

• Khadijah bint Khuwaylid RA was a successful businesswoman and the first person to embrace Islam, providing unwavering support to the Prophet SAW during the early days of his mission.
• Aisha bint Abu Bakr RA was renowned for her vast knowledge and intellect, becoming one of the most significant narrators of Hadith and actively participating in political affairs.
• Hafsa bint Umar RA safeguarded the manuscript of the Quran, playing a critical role in its preservation.
• Umm Salama RA offered wise counsel and narrated many ahadith.
• Zaynab bint Jahsh RA was noted for her generosity and independence.
• Safiyyah bint Huyayy’s RA wisdom helped bridge gaps between Muslims and Jews.
• Juwayriyya bint al-Harith’s RA marriage to the Prophet SAW resulted in the freeing of many prisoners of war, highlighting her impact on social justice.

Each of these women maintained their individuality and made significant contributions, demonstrating that marriage in Islam does not mean the loss of personal identity but rather the harmonisation of two unique individuals working together towards common goals while respecting each other’s distinct strengths and achievements.

Seeking Support and Embracing Spirituality

Seeking support from trusted family members or religious leaders can be immensely beneficial during this time. Islam places great emphasis on community and encourages believers to seek counsel and solace from one another. Additionally, engaging in acts of worship, such as prayer, recitation of Quran, and dua, can provide comfort and strength.

Effective Communication

It’s crucial for couples experiencing post-wedding depression to communicate openly and honestly with each other. Islam promotes effective communication and problem-solving within marriages, emphasising the importance of empathy, compassion, and understanding. By fostering a supportive and nurturing environment, couples can navigate through challenges together, strengthening their bond in the process.

A Psychological Perspective

From a psychological standpoint, post-wedding depression can be linked to several factors, including the stress of wedding planning, the sudden end of a major life event, and the pressure to adapt to new roles and responsibilities. Acknowledging these stressors and understanding that it’s normal to feel overwhelmed can help couples address their emotions more effectively.

Overcoming Post-Wedding Depression

Ultimately, post-wedding depression is a temporary phase that can be overcome with patience, perseverance, and faith. Islam offers a guiding light, reminding individuals to trust in Allah SWT’s wisdom and mercy during times of trial and tribulation. By embracing love, compassion, and resilience, couples can emerge from this period with a deeper understanding of themselves and each other, ready to embark on a journey of shared growth and fulfillment.

Embracing Growth

Islam provides a robust framework for dealing with life’s challenges, including post-wedding depression. Trusting in Allah SWT, maintaining realistic expectations, appreciating individual and communal support, and fostering open communication are all integral to navigating this difficult time. By turning to these principles, couples can find strength and solace, deepening their relationship and fortifying their faith.

That’s all from me for now. Stay tuned for more… and remember: ‘Just Dua It.’

Waheeda, a.k.a Waydi

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P.P.S. My book, Kismet – For roses to blossom is available locally and on Kindle Unlimited.