The Irony of Surnames
When I recently renewed my ID, something strange happened. After 18 years of marriage, I’ve always kept my maiden surname—but on the new card, my surname had been changed to my husband’s. I laughed it off at first, but when I mentioned it to a couple of people, both of them asked me the same thing: “Then why did you get married?”
I couldn’t help but smile at the silliness of the question. My answer? “Well, obviously not for a last name. I already had one.”
But that small moment got me thinking more deeply. We often hear about feminism, especially from a Western perspective, and how it “frees” women from patriarchy. Yet here’s the irony: in so many Western cultures, it’s considered normal, expected almost, for a woman to give up her surname when she marries. Isn’t that, in itself, a patriarchal practice? What part of feminism ever said a woman must erase her own lineage and replace it with her husband’s? And now, in an odd twist of rebellion, some men are even taking their wife’s surname. It begs the question: why does anyone have to change their name at all?
What strikes me is how often Muslim women are seen as “oppressed” by the very same people who are deeply stuck in this tradition. Because in Islam, it’s clear and simple: a woman never has to change her surname. Her name is part of her identity, her lineage, and her legacy. It connects her to her family, and Islam protects that right.
And it doesn’t stop there. In Islam, a woman’s earnings are hers alone. Her property is hers alone. Her inheritance is hers alone. She is not required to share it with her husband unless she wants to. At the same time, the men in her life are responsible for taking care of her. She doesn’t lose anything by getting married. She doesn’t give up her name, her wealth, or her independence. Instead, she gains love, protection, and partnership.
So when I look at the Western system, I can’t help but see its flaws. They hold up feminism as if it’s the ultimate achievement for women, yet their own customs often pull women into deeper patriarchal norms. It makes me wonder: who is really oppressed here?
The next time someone asks me why I didn’t change my surname, I’ll smile again and think about how beautifully Islam preserves a woman’s identity and rights. And honestly? That’s something worth celebrating.
Now, I’d love to hear from you. Do you think surnames matter when it comes to marriage and identity? Have you ever had someone question you about keeping your maiden name or even pressure you into changing it? Share your thoughts in the comments, or pass this along to someone who might enjoy the conversation. Let’s talk about it.
That’s all from me for now. Stay tuned for more… and remember: ‘Just Dua It.’
Waheeda, a.k.a Waydi
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