Don’t Judge Your Marriage by the Tough Times

Marriage is a journey of ups and downs, filled with moments of joy, love, and peace – but also moments of challenge, uncertainty, and growth. Yet, one mistake many couples make is judging the health of their relationship during some of the most intense, stressful periods of their lives. The honeymoon phase, the first year after a new child is born, and even the onset of menopause are examples of such times. These phases are powerful in shaping our marriage, but they shouldn’t define it. Here’s why it’s important to avoid making big decisions in these critical stages.

Marriages have seasons of difficulty just as they have seasons of joy and peace.

The Honeymoon Phase: A Time of Euphoria

It’s easy to see marriage through rose-colored glasses during the honeymoon phase. You’re both basking in newlywed bliss, perhaps overlooking any small irritations or miscommunications. Many couples believe that how they feel in the honeymoon period is how they’ll feel for the rest of their marriage, but this can lead to unrealistic expectations. The truth is, the honeymoon phase, while exciting, doesn’t represent the entire scope of what marriage will be. As this phase naturally fades, what emerges is the deeper, more meaningful connection that will carry you through the years to come.

This is why it’s essential not to make major decisions in this phase – whether it’s rushing into life-changing commitments or assuming that any future change in feeling is a negative sign. Marriage requires time to evolve beyond this initial stage, and it’s important to give yourself that time before making any judgments.

After the Birth of a Child: A Time of Adjustment

The first year after the birth of a child (and subsequent children) is one of the most challenging times for any marriage. The exhaustion from sleepless nights, the new roles as parents, and the physical and emotional recovery can put a strain on even the strongest relationships. It’s a time when the dynamic between spouses shifts drastically, and suddenly, your marriage isn’t just about the two of you – it now includes the responsibility of raising a new life.

During this period, couples often feel disconnected, leading to doubts about the state of their relationship. But this disconnection is not an indicator of a failing marriage; rather, it’s a signal that both partners need time to adjust to the new normal. Patience, open communication, and shared responsibility are key during this time. Avoid making life-altering decisions about your marriage while navigating the intense transition into parenthood. Instead, focus on small acts of love, and give your marriage space to breathe as you both settle into your new roles.

The Menopausal Years: A Time of Physical and Emotional Shift

Perimenopause and menopause bring a whirlwind of change – emotionally, physically, and mentally. As a couple, it’s another stage where it’s easy to feel disconnected or frustrated, and often, it’s a time where marriages are tested. Hormonal shifts can bring mood swings, health concerns, and emotional turbulence that impact not only the person going through menopause but also their partner.

It’s crucial to recognise that this stage, like any other, is temporary. This is a time for empathy and understanding, both toward yourself and your spouse. Don’t judge your marriage by the challenges that menopause brings; instead, use this time to build deeper emotional resilience together. By navigating these storms with compassion, you can find that your relationship emerges stronger.

Patience Through Life’s Phases

Each of these phases – the honeymoon, the arrival of children, the menopausal years, and other phases that may be unique to each relationship (such as financial woes, new jobs, ageing parents, losing loved ones, etc.) – comes with its own set of challenges. It’s during these times that couples often feel like their marriage is breaking or that something is deeply wrong. But the truth is, these are natural, temporary stages in life. They are not the defining moments of your relationship, but they can become pivotal if you allow them to break the bond you’ve built.

Instead of making drastic decisions during these times, take a step back. Realise that each challenge is part of a longer journey, and that your marriage has seasons of difficulty just as it has seasons of joy and peace. Give yourself permission to ride out the storm and embrace the changes that come with time.

Each challenge is part of a longer journey.

Building Resilience Together

The key to navigating these tough phases is communication, patience, and empathy. Understand that the struggles of today won’t last forever, and don’t make life-altering decisions when you’re in the thick of it. Instead, lean on your faith, seek help if needed, and work together to build a marriage that thrives in both good times and bad. You’ve to to water the thorns in order to see roses blossom!

By not allowing these challenging times to define your marriage, you create a space for growth, deeper connection, and a love that withstands the test of time. It’s not the trials that break a marriage – it’s how we respond to them.

So, the next time you find yourself in a difficult phase, remember: don’t judge your marriage by the tough times. Instead, use these moments to strengthen your bond and appreciate the resilience you’re building together.

That’s all from me for now. Stay tuned for more… and remember: ‘Just Dua It.’

Waheeda, a.k.a Waydi

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P.P.S. My book, Kismet – For roses to blossom is available locally and on Kindle Unlimited.