Tips for living with your in-laws
In many cultures, including ours, living with in-laws is often a reality. While Islam gives a wife the right to her own space, sometimes life makes it more practical, or even more beautiful, to share a home with extended family. For some, it is about convenience. For others, it’s about companionship, pooling resources, or simply taking care of one another.
But here’s the truth: living together is never a one-sided affair. It takes two hands to clap. Which means both the mothers-in-law and the daughters-in-law carry responsibility in making the arrangement work.
At the start of marriage, a daughter-in-law may not feel the same bond with her in-laws as she does with her own family. That bond develops over time. Still, knowing that these are the people beloved to your spouse it helps to meet them with respect. Meet them as they are, accept them as they are. Problems arise when we carry unrealistic expectations, try to “fix” or “better” people, or think of others in a condescending way.
It’s also important to remember that our parents know us inside out. They’ve seen our moods, strengths, and flaws from childhood. Our in-laws, however, meet us as adults. We don’t know their habits and preferences, and they don’t know ours. It takes patience, open-mindedness, and time to learn about each other.
One piece of wisdom I often reflect on is something my mother-in-law says:
“When living with in-laws, you have to be deaf, dumb, and blind.”
What she means is that not everything needs a reaction. If you see or hear something you don’t agree with, sometimes it’s better to let it go. Overlooking small matters can save relationships from unnecessary tension.
Of course, shared living has its joys as well. During the Covid lockdown, I truly appreciated the blessing of extended family under one roof. We cooked together, prayed Taraweeh together, held family thaalim sessions, and the children had constant companionship. Pooling resources made difficult times easier, and the presence of elders brought stability and wisdom.
Perhaps one of the greatest blessings of this setup is for the children. Growing up with grandparents isn’t just about daily hugs and kisses. It’s about learning timeless values like patience, respect, and resilience, lessons that sometimes only a grandparent can teach.
For a couple who truly wants to walk into Jannah together, it is important to remember that each of their doors to Paradise lies beneath the feet of their own mother. This means that part of loving your spouse is supporting them in their duty towards their parents. A husband should encourage and assist his wife in showing kindness and service to her parents, and the wife should do the same for her husband with his. In reality, when we respect and help our in-laws, we are not just strengthening family ties – we are actively helping our spouse fulfill a duty that could be their very key to Jannah.
It reframes the relationship entirely: no longer is it about “my parents” versus “your parents,” but about walking the path to Paradise hand in hand, supporting one another in serving those who raised us.
Living with in-laws may not suit everyone, and that’s okay. But when the right people are paired together, and when both sides commit to patience, respect, and kindness, it can become a deeply rewarding experience.
That’s all from me for now. Stay tuned for more… and remember: ‘Just Dua It.’
Waheeda, a.k.a Waydi
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